Friday, 19 April 2013

The Long Game


http://rochellewisofffields.files.wordpress.com/2013/04/wasp-nest.jpg
Image Janet Webb


The Long Game



They flew furiously, gloriously, soaring, sailing towards the searing sun; unencumbered by grasping gravity, joining the communion of the wind, sharing its soft whispered secrets.

I saw them and realised I’m not like the others. Kin scoff. Say I’m strange. But I am different for a reason. While eternal empires ebbed and flowed I planned.

It may take a thousand years, but, today’s smooth, stripy yellow stone will be transformed.

With whirling water, searing sun and fierce fickle frost, I will be ground down. First, to sand, then wonderful weightless dust. Finally, carried triumphantly aloft, I will be a wasp.



100 words

@nickjohns999

This story was written for Rochelle Wisoff-Fields' Friday Fictioneers Challenge
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13 comments:

  1. janet19 April 2013 at 20:50

    Nick, what an interesting idea! Evolution not recognized by Darwin. I really like your first sentence.

    If you change "They flew" to "They fly" and "I saw" to "I see", the tenses will all be the same and it will work better.

    jaent

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    Replies
    1. Nick19 April 2013 at 21:40

      Hi Janet. Thanks for your comment. I've been reading some rather surreal stories recently and I guess it is rubbing off.

      Delete
  2. Anonymous20 April 2013 at 03:19

    Your words flow just as I imagine the character floating and flying. Great writing!

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  3. Sandra Crook20 April 2013 at 08:09

    Very imaginative - loved it. Well done Nick

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    Replies
    1. Nick21 April 2013 at 13:02

      Thank you Sandra, I appreciate your comments, as always.

      Delete
  4. Rochelle Wisoff-Fields20 April 2013 at 21:27

    Dear Nick,
    This reads like poetry. Light and visual. I agree with Janet on the tenses.
    Shalom,
    Rochelle

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    Replies
    1. Nick21 April 2013 at 13:00

      Hi Rochelle! It's interesting you say that. I had a couple of false starts at poetry with this prompt, but I guess, at heart, I'm just a dyed-in-the-wool storyteller.

      Delete
  5. Anonymous22 April 2013 at 20:40

    I love the images you paint, and Rochelle's right, this does read like poetry - the lines almost dance and flit.

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    1. Nick22 April 2013 at 21:12

      Thanks Sarah Ann. I haven't written much poetry since my teens, but I do enjoy lyrical writing and occasionally produce some myself. It's the Celtic side of me coming out! (Welsh)

      Delete
  6. Anonymous23 April 2013 at 06:12

    I echo the others - this had a poetic feel.

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    Replies
    1. Nick23 April 2013 at 18:04

      Thanks Bill. I appreciate you stopping by.

      Delete
  7. Dobson23 April 2013 at 13:56

    A very unique take on the prompt. Well done nick!

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    Replies
    1. Nick23 April 2013 at 18:04

      Thanks Dobson, I had trouble with this prompt.

      Delete

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