Sunday, 14 April 2013

The Tick-Tock Man


http://rochellewisofffields.files.wordpress.com/2013/04/sandra-crook.jpg
Image Sandra Crook


The Tick-Tock Man



“Tick-tock.”

The appointed time had arrived, he’d come for me.

The children’s tales were true.

His huge hands, liver spotted, thinly covered with greying parchment skin, long sharp nails with an unnatural sheen, approached slowly, awfully, precisely like a slow grinding mill-wheel.

“Tick-tock.”

He moved closer; a waft of the slick, sharp scent of machine oil slipped over me.

One glittering raptor eye regarded me.

As I counted my final imperfect minute, seconds stretched like taffy, I knew I’d never mark another faulty hour.

He threaded his finest instrument deep inside me and twisted.

“There, all fixed little clock. Tick-tock”



100 words

@nickjohns999

This story was written for Rochelle Wisoff-Fields' Friday Fictioneers challenge
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12 comments:

  1. EL Appleby14 April 2013 at 11:07

    Lovely! a real sense of menace at the start, and a sense of relief as I realised what was going on. Great stuff.

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  2. Nick14 April 2013 at 12:13

    Thanks for visiting and for taking time to comment! This story changed in the writing. The 'happy ending' ambushed me - not at all what I started out intending.

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  3. janet14 April 2013 at 13:08

    And that too was a proper twist, literally and figuratively. Lovely bit of misdirection!

    janet

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    1. Nick14 April 2013 at 13:36

      Thanks Janet. The misdirection possibly comes from the story not going the way I intended when I set out. There are some good twists this week. I was just reading your exchange on Tracy's blog on this subject and added my two-pennyworth. I also got into this with Jen Prendergast about her great tale. Thanks for visiting.

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  4. Trudy14 April 2013 at 13:32

    That's wonderful, I was really surprised at the turn of events. And in a good way. I've read it through again, and the ending is just as satisfying, a complete change of perspective in just a few words.Beautiful word choices too.

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    1. Nick14 April 2013 at 14:14

      Welcome aboard Trudy! Thanks for such a lovely comment. I'l pleased that you enjoyed the tale.

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  5. Rochelle Wisoff-Fields14 April 2013 at 13:45

    Dear Nick,
    That was a bit of a jaw dropper. Not sure about the slow precision of an avalanche. I didn't think that was a slow process...but I don't know much about them. In any case, a most excellent piece. Well worded and imaginative.
    Shalom,
    Rochelle

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    1. Nick14 April 2013 at 14:16

      Thanks Rochelle. Well spotted! I agree with your critique of the motion of an avalanche so have changed my simile. I hope it works better. A great photo choice this week - thanks!

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  6. Anonymous14 April 2013 at 15:47

    tricky and awesome... what a great twist ^^

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    1. Nick14 April 2013 at 16:14

      Thanks kz! I appreciate your visit and your comment.

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  7. Anonymous14 April 2013 at 19:13

    Wow, Nick. I love the menace and the precision of this piece. Just perfect, and with a lovely ending too. I had all sorts of images in my head. Thanks for your comment on mine too - I've left you a longer reply there, but in case you don't go back and read it...

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  8. Nick14 April 2013 at 19:22

    Wow! Thanks Jen that means a great deal to get such a comment from the writer of my favourite FF.

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